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When did Amber decide she was qualified to perform an official investigation on the second vote for Kail? I'm sorry, did I say investigation? I meant witch hunt. If there is one thing that gets my blood boiling, it's when halfwits point fingers. I have no idea where the "LNC" got this deranged idea that Nick was secretly united with Zach or that either of them are dangerous, but those two are the least threatening people in the game. Nick makes googley eyes at Daniele all day, and people literally run from Zach. But apparently they must go at once! At first, I thought the idea of America's Player was just plain FOXY, but the more shit Eric pulls the less I like him. I'm not the Christian of the Year, but even I couldn't let people take the heat for my actions.

Have I mentioned people run from Zach? I've been noticing this for awhile, and it literally makes my heart ache. We all know what it feels like to be the odd man out, but for 24 hours a day? I really don't get it, though, because I think he's hysterical. That is when people actually give him the time of day. I almost hope they evict him just to put him out of his misery. But then Amber cries, and I realize who I really want evicted. I honestly thought it was sweet that she was so emotional, but it's gotten old. Eventually somebody is going to have to forget strategy and just do everyone a favor by sending her ass home. Good God, send her home...

I think it's interesting that Kail and Jen thought they would be safe this week. Kail talks a whole lot of game, and rarely follows through on any of it. Remember her telling Dick that she didn't want to campaign anymore? That lasted a whole, what, hour after Mike was evicted? Probably less than that. Why haven't any of these people learned that psychological players are ten times more dangerous than physical threats? Sure, players like Nick and Mike will excel in endurance challenges, but votes send people packing. And people like Kail and Jen campaign the hardest. Kail would talk all day if she could, but somehow no one is concerned about this. Can we officially name this the most clueless season yet ever?

Breaking News: Following last night's live broadcast of Big Brother, the Love 'Em Or Leave 'Em poll released new results, with EvelDick beating out the previously unbeatable Jameka with 15.2 % of the votes. If you haven't been voting in or following the polls, here's a snapshot of last week's votes.

And this reflects pretty much every week before Week 10. What a change, right? Either America finally screwed their heads on right, or someone spent way too much time voting last night. Or there was a glitch at CBS.com, which is the most probable possibility. Poor Zach, though. He went from 0.5% to 0.7%. The poor sap can't even break 1.

God, Kail gets more and more annoying every episode. I've actually gotten to this point where I almost feel bad for her, but then she opens her mouth to let the bullshit flow and I'm back at square one. One of the measily two people who have actually remained loyal to her she sells out to save her own ass, only to end up pissing Dick off. I can understand how shitty she feels, considering the fact that she's been trying to get on the show for three years, but she can't expect everyone to want to keep her in the game for that sole reason. They all want the 500k, as well. On the same token, Dick really needs to take it down a notch. I'm trying my best to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he can say some really hateful things. Something that always baffles me about these houseguests is their reaction to the way some people speak to them. Some of the things Dick has said to people, I'm positive I would break down right then and there if I were them. Maybe it's the west coast, or maybe I'm just a lily liver (thanks, thesaurus.com!) like Amber (much love to mah sistah).

So, I was a little disappointed in Dick's behavior before the veto challenge. I understood his intentions, but he goes about things in such a belligerant way that it really turns people off. Including me. But his goal was to get into Kail's head, and that he did. Just not in a very admirable fashion. I'll admit it, I had some compassion for her when she was the first out of the challenge. But like Dick said, she made her bed and now she has to lay in it. If she survives the week, more power to her. But if she doesn't, and I'm confident she won't, then too bad so sad. She isn't exactly a charity case, anyway. Post Kail's elimination, the POV competition was probably one of the funniest I've seen in Big Brother history. Mike is a damn fine french maid, and Dustin's unitard revitalization was beyond hilarious. On the other hand, Mike's attempt at making Dick laugh was down right painful to watch. Although, I wouldn't have even tried if I were him, so credit must be given where credit is due. At the end of the day, Jen was meant to win that competition, and the attention whore milked it for all it was worth.

Have I mentioned Dick's arrogant behavior tonight? Don't get me wrong, he's still my number one, but I kind of feel like his voice of reason. Like I said, he just needs to take it down a notch. Daniele hit it right on the nose--he's on a power trip. And it's going to hurt like hell next week if someone like Jen or Mike wins Head of Household. Although, I can completely understand his anger over Jen and Zach being up in the HOH room. I'd be a fucking Nazi if I ever won HOH. I would not be having it if people were using my toilet, leaving their nappy hairs all over the place, or drinking beer in my bed. Hell no. It really sucks for Nick, though, that Dick keeps doubting his loyalty to both Daniele and himself. Because he is loyal, and he isn't using her. And as far as screwing up her life at home? She's a grown-up that can make her own decisions, and Nick should not be held accountable for whatever ends up happening between her and her boyfriend. Whether he's playing her or not. Which he isn't, if I haven't made that clear enough.

Talk about a late blog. I apologize for taking a billion hours to finally post this, but I didn't have Wi-Fi access this weekend. Although, it was nice to be able to just watch the show and go to bed. Because I'm 90 and go to bed at 9. Anyway, I was most looking forward to watching Kail's reaction to Dick's HOH win (as if I hadn't seen enough on the feeds), and it was surprisingly annoying. I was sure I'd be reveling in her pain, but how happy can one person be when they're betting on the next time someone will say "betray?" I don't know how Kail thought anyone would have sympathy for her when she's basically telling them, "I had an alliance you weren't in." I totally got Dick's Why-Are-You-Telling-Me-This reaction. I think she dug herself a deeper hole than she was already in, and her only chance of lasting another week will be the veto. Although, I don't blame her for selling the boys out. It certainly didn't save her ass, but it sucker punched them on her way out. And that, my friend, is how you play Big Brother.

How about them fillers? Was there absolutely no action in between the HOH competition and the nominations that they had to take footage from literally weeks ago to fill up the episode? How long ago did Eric and Jen wrestle? I was surprised Carol wasn't standing in the background. And Daniele cried to Dick days before Joe was evicted. Although, I'm glad they decided to put that into the episode, because I think it was a rather heartwarming moment. Heavily edited, yet heartwarming. I have to wonder, though, what the straw was that broke the camel's back. Clearly something happened to spark those tears, and I'm not going to make any libelous statements, but there's nothing wrong with speculation. She's obviously feeling guilty about something, but who knows? Maybe she just has a guilty conscious. In any event, it must have made Dick feel so good knowing that she felt like she could come to him. He tries so hard, and he's getting somewhere. Slowly but surely, he's getting somewhere.

I wasn't really surprised by nominations, just more relieved (I really didn't know before the episode!). CBS really had me going for awhile that Dick might decide not to nominate Jen. And despite Kail's "convincing" words about how she's "not a threat," I was sure she was going up. Dick had his mind made up before he even won HOH. Good for him for not letting people change his mind with their mumbo jumbo. Kail's reaction was beyond annoying--"It stinks bein' up there with Jen." Oh, really? Up there with your friend? Try it with your daughter, and then get back to me. As long as Kail doesn't win veto, I'm pretty sure I'll be naming this week my favorite of all time. Mhmm, my life is that empty. This is true.

I was so relieved that I watched the Live Feeds today, because if I wasn't sure Dick had six votes in the bag, I may have had a stroke by the end of the episode. Exaggerating? I laugh at the word. You won't find a blogger more serious than me. No way, no how. I knew it was only a matter of time before Hurricane Dick would strike, and he just happened to hit Kailburgh. Can't say she didn't deserve it, though. And this is not coming from Dick's number one fan (which I proudly am); it's coming from anyone who's ever watched the Live Feeds and seen how two-faced she is. He's nothing but cordial with her, graces her with "thoroughly enjoyable conversation" (a direct quote from her), and then she complains about him non-stop. Oh, and that defense! "OK. Fine. Alright." Wow, you really proved your point there, Kail. Dick wins this battle.

Thank God the "Trip From The Outside" was from Nate. I really wanted to know what broke Dustin and Joe up. It's nice to have closure. Sarcasm? I laugh at the word. For some reason I thought Jen's mom was supposed to be on the show tonight? I was clearly mistaken. And disappointed. I was hoping she'd pull an Ivette's girlfriend and favor the "enemy." I'm sure her or Vanna (if she even actually nannies for Vanna) will grace us with their presence soon enough. I wait for the day... I was surprised the vote was live tonight, what, with 10 people voting and all. It was definitly nerve racking. I was worried Joe might only get five votes, and that attention whore would have the pleasure of evicting Dick. But how surprising that 9 people voted to evict Joe! I think my jaw actually dropped. For that split second I wasn't smiling ear-to-ear over the fact that Kail totally stood alone. Quite possibly the most satisfying moment in my life.

If I thought watching the live vote was nerve racking, I clearly forgot HOH was right after. I really just needed Kail to get out to feel alright, but that bitch stayed in way longer than I felt comfortable with. Shall I cut to the chase? YAHOO! Could this night get any better? Joe gone, Dick HOH. I feel like God has answered all of my Big Brother prayers. OK, I'm totally kidding, I don't pray for Big Brother. That would just be selfish. I limit my prayers strictly for Macy's One-Day Sales and rush hour traffic. OK, and Big Brother. Anyway, I'm so glad Dick gets to be in power this week. I'm hoping he nominates Jen and Kail, but who knows for sure? I think Mike and Zach are possibilities, as well. Maybe even Jessica. The awesome thing is: I could give a shit less if any of those people go home. So, I'm golden this week. My blood pressure should have dropped drastically in the past hour. Here's to one week of good health. Cheers!

Jen fans, tell me this. Why is she such a royal bitch? How is she gonna threaten Amber and Joe before the POV competition? Did she think this would make either of them want to help her? She's so dense. It's ridiculous. What is in her head? A pine cone? A hamster? It's not a brain. Good God, it's not a brain... What's funniest is when people call her out on her bullshit and she plays that dumb blonde act. "Huh??" And Zach is officially on my black list. Once you cross Jameka, you cross me. And you don't want to cross me. Because I'll...type mean things about you. Horrible things... That's right, watch your back.

Clearly, I didn't want Jen to win the power of veto. But even moreso, I wanted her to lose it in such a way that it cut her right to the bone. Having thoughts like this would usually worry me that I may have signs of a serial killer, but I'm pretty sure that Jen is an exception. I think I read that somewhere. Anyway, it killed me to see her win the unitard. She's such an attention whore, it's disgusting. But any disappointment I was feeling over that miniscule situation faded away when Amber so thoughtfully gave Daniele the challenge. Gee, Jen, that threat really worked out for you, there. You made a whole new group of people hate you. But I'm sure all you really wanted was more attention, and damnit, you succeeded. But I can wrap up this blog with one positive thing to say about Jen. That bitch made the best replacement nomination I could ever ask for. Now hopefully neither Daniele nor Dick will be evicted. Although, I'll be sad to see someone who despises her leaving. Well, you win some, you lose some.

Any face I've ever made in my 19 years on this Earth has never looked even remotely as horrified as Dustin's when Chenbot congratulated Jen on winning Head of Household. How awesome were everyones' reactions? You'd think after spending three years trying to get on the show, Kail would know how and how not to react when someone wins HOH. And when you're trying to hide your loyalties, you don't jump up and down. Or sleep with them. Literally, not metaphorically. Oh, God... NOT METAPHORICALLY. I'm slowly disliking Kail more and more. I'm so confused... Why was I handing out the key to my heart so carelessly? From this point forward, I'm saving judgement for later on in the game. Except in Dick's case. Because, well, chicks love dick. It's a simple and inevitable concept.

CBS graced us with not one, but two fillers this episode. Although, one of them could also be tagged as character/relationship development, but who's reading this, anyway? I always enjoy a good camera angle on Nick and Daniele. Not because I'm a voyeur, but because Nick is so foolishly funny. Foolishly, I tell you! I have to wonder what Daniele's boyfriend thinks of all of this. Or if she even has a boyfriend anymore. Which I'm hoping he has enough pride to confidently say "no" to that question. My other favorite tag-team is the German weight-lifting duo Magnus & Kragnus. As annoying as Zach got this week sucking up to Jen, I cannot deny that he is a regular comedian. But just regular. Nothing spectactular. Like I said, I'm saving judgement for later on in the game. I can't be calling someone spectacular and then taking it back later. I'm no indian giver.

So, could I have been any more excited to hear Eric had to convince Jen to nominate Jessica? No. Why, you ask? Two reasons: I voted that way, and her voice makes me want to commit suicide. Do I think he did a good job? Absolutely not. I don't think he really wanted her to get nominated, to be honest. But who am I to judge? I'm everything. Learn it, live it, love it. So, I don't think anyone was surprised that Jen chose to nominate Dick and Daniele. She claimed that they both bring negativity energy into the house, but what I think she meant was they both bring negativity energy to her. Which would be 400 times more accurate. I think this week will definitly bring Double D (use it, bitches) closer. I'm clearly hoping one of them will win POV so that there's a chance neither of them will end up going home. Mostly, I want this week to be a total disappointment to Jen. A disappointment to the jenth degree. Zing!

There is something so very exciting about the live show. Maybe it's seeing people who usually dress like they're homeless all dolled up, as if it's the only time cameras are rolling, or maybe it's because people like Jen freak out when Julie Chen asks them questions. "Duhduh...why you askin' me question? Duh...FUN." It's definitly both of those reasons. I live for embarrassing and uncomfortable moments. Live. Well, I don't think anyone was surprised that Carol ended up being the one evicted. I was a little surprised that the vote count was 10-1, but I'm fairly certain Jen gave her a pity vote. I guess we'll find out on the Early Show tomorrow. I loved it when Carol said to Julie Chen, "That's just Jessica. She's conceited. And I don't feel bad saying that now." She was all biting her tongue trying not to get into trouble, and then she hears Jessica trash talking girls who curl their hair with curling irons (I resent that, by the way) and she gets word vomit.

I didn't really have high hopes for this Head of Household competition. I only had one standard, and that was that Jen didn't win it. It's like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife. I thought it was hilarious when Daniele, Dick and Nick got out on the "Who would you rather have date your daughter?" question. The dad, the daughter, and the bad date. Shut up Captain Obvious? OK. I was pretty much just chillin' out eating my Chinese halfway through the competition when I realized Jen was still in it. Talk about ruining your appetite. And who honestly thought she'd win with 41? Nine gallons? I'm with Nick on this one; that question was chosen with one person in mind.

So, I never really commented on the nominees last blog; mostly because I thought Kail's reasons were the lamest of all time. And I didn't really feel like bringing down the "I Love Kail" mood. You understand. Anyway, I'm sure you know how I feel about the nominees by now. Who nominates someone because they performed poorly in a competition? Isn't that a reason to not nominate someone? Wouldn't you want less competition in the future, rather than more? "In the spirit of fairness..." Uhh... I would say "who is she fooling?" but apparently the answer to that question is "everyone," because everyone seemed to accept those reasons. I'm pretty sure none of these people have ever seen or even understand this game. How cute.

Jen. Once again, must I go on? I was hoping and praying, dear God I was praying, that they would show the crazy-liar-Jen tonight, and CBS...you did it. You fucking did it! ("OK, Daytime Emmy...") Usually, CBS has this weird way of editing footage so somebody doesn't seem quite as crazy or deranged as they really are, but not this time. Jen, you, unlike Kail, cannot sue CBS for slander or misrepresentation (whichever applies), because you are just as crazy as portrayed this evening. Who lies about something like "he tried to kiss me?" Especially to a gay man. Did she not think Joey McBigMouth would repeat that? The gays love drama! I know this! But the thing that really tagged Jen as psychotic was the fact that she couldn't even own up to her lie. "That's not what I said." Really? In front of, what, five people who heard you say it? And can I just let Kail and Dick share the key to my heart? Because anybody who will just call Jen a bitch to her face is going to be offered my hand in marriage (and possible some other perks, we'll work out the details later). Kail, Dick, maybe we can move to Utah or something... Did I go too far? Where should I have stopped?

How 'bout that veto challenge? I can think of about 4,812 better hiding places than those people used. Amber, dear, I love you, but a pillowcase? Nobody'll check there! And how did nobody check in the slop? That seems like a pretty obvious hiding spot to me. I know when I play hide and seek, I always hide in the oatmeal buckets. In my fridge... My very large fridge... OK, so now Daniele has the Golden Power of Veto (is that what it's called this year? or am I just pulling this name out of my ass?). Job well done, she's a force to be reckoned with, yadda yadda yadda. What else do you say when somebody has their first and last win (burn!)? I thought it was interesting how CBS tried to make us think Daniele would use the veto. Now, I'll say it, the twig is a bimbo, but I'm fairly certain even she isn't stupid enough to put a target on her back. Although, judging by this groups' actions thus far, I've been bracing myself for anything. It's between Amber and Carol, and if I have to hear Carol talk about how she's not going to campaign one more time, I think I'll drink a glass of arsenic.

Blog. Starts. Here. So CBS used their classic black-and-white-to-color effect multiple times this episode, and wrapped up the enemies reactions to seeing each other's pretty little faces straight away. Joe and Dustin's looked rehearsed, and Carol and Jessica's was less than exciting. But it was Dick and Daniele's reunion that really pulled at your heart strings (or possibly made you hate Daniele with a rage you've never felt before). To be honest, I feel for both sides. Dick was an irresponsible parent, but he clearly wants to mend his relationship with his daughter. Daniele has felt neglected and wants Dick to know it. It isn't often I can understand and agree with both sides, but mostly I want Daniele to let her guard down and give Dick a chance. Whoa. I'm becoming disgustingly serious here, and I just don't like it. So...blah, blah, Jack Skellington, blah, blah, Keith Richards. I feel much better now.

Jen. Is that enough? Can I just say her name? Do I even need to explain here? Now, I've gotten pretty upset over photos before. To the point of hyperventilation, mucus, and rosacea--wait, did I say I've done that? I meant nobody. Except apparently Jen. She broke the mold. The first person ever to embarrass herself completely by not only pointing out how terrible her picture was to everyone in the house, but following that up with sobbing, which had to make everyone horribly uncomfortable. But when doesn't Jen make everyone horribly uncomfortable? It's like there's a little sensor in her brain that only lets the attention shift from herself for a maximum of 5 seconds. I can only imagine the ridiculous thoughts running through her mind as they all looked at the memory wall. "Oh, shit. Joe just complimented Nick's picture. Let's see... Did I tell them what shampoo I use to keep my hair shiny, yet? Maybe I can do my Billy Joel impression... I know! I'll start crying!" Do you still like her? CBS knew that might be a possibility, so they threw in the food competition scene where she tells Dick, politely I might add, "Don't be a scraper." Then she really charms our pants off in the Diary Room by saying she didn't "want an old man rubbing his hands all over my body." Alright, badonkadonk butt.

OK, forgive me. I pre-judged Kail (but isn't that my job?). Maybe not all redheads are evil (just most of them). But c'mon! Can you really blame me? CBS really misrepresented her in that first episode. She should sue for slander, by the way. Slander? Misrepresentation? It doesn't matter. What matters is, she currently holds the key to my heart. It's true. She stole it, and I couldn't be happier. But for real, I didn't expect there to be any smart players this season (did you?), and she totally proved me wrong. I expected this, as well, but what I didn't expect was this adorable "My Boys" alliance. That's what I'm calling it. Even if it doesn't catch on. Even if Julie Chen said, "Anyone who calls this alliance The My Boys Alliance is a butthead." I'd still say it. Because I am true to my word. That's just how I roll. In all seriousness, though (is anyone taking me seriously?), I'm really rooting for Kail and the Three Amig--I mean, The My Boys Alliance.

The first HOH competition was less than exciting, but most importantly, completely unfair. Not that I really cared who won, but c'mon now. Nick didn't even get to compete, and Dick, Jessica, and Dustin not only get automatic safety, but they also get to choose between Kail and Eric? Like I said, I really didn't care who won, but I'm totally disappointed that Kail won! So, I was lying just then. I really did care who won. I don't know, there's just something about the bitch that irks me. Maybe it's the fact that she owns half the people in her town. Or maybe it's because she hates homosexicals. In fact, it's definitly both of those things. But mostly, it's her red hair. Everyone knows redheads are evil.


I think the part I was most excited about tonight was finding out who America's Player would be. Actually, that was another lie. I didn't even remember about America's Player until Julie kindly reminded me, but once my memory was refreshed, I did become quite excited. My money was on Joe or Zach, so I was pretty much disappointed when Eric walked in the room. But that emotion lasted about 2 seconds. He had me at "hello," or whatever it is he said first. Actually, he had me at "alliance of 10 million." He made me feel like part of the show! Like an ally. A friend... Anyway, I'm just psyched that America's Player ended up being someone who was happy to take the title. I was worried whoever ended up getting the spot wouldn't do anything we said, but Eric seems to be down with the challenge. And as long as he stays on our good side, he shouldn't get screwed over. Or should he... What?

Labels: ET, house tour, julie chen